“The crybaby gets two glasses of milk. The silent one doesn’t even get one.” Crude translation of a mother’s comment to her daughter. The consequences of this passive parenting can be far-reaching.
In the short-term the crybaby shuts up. Happy with his two glasses of milk. The silent one is already a non-issue. Parents get their peace. In a cut-throat society, parents who are struggling to make ends meet for a better future, desperately need that peace.
In the long run, the crybaby’s sense of entitlement only inflated further. When they are given, they are not grateful. When they are not, they throw a tantrum. How dare they be deprived of their birthright? In adult relationships, it is quite a challenge to set boundaries with ‘em.
The silent child, however, is usually also the obedient child. They see the parents distress with the crybaby. They can’t do that to their parents. Disciplined, hardworking, quietly producing good results. When they are upset, they will cry in isolation.
They have an incredible imagination. A fantasy in which they are the superhero. Or where they are saved by some superhero. Marvel and DC owe their success to these kids. The more creative and lucky ones work for them. The rest are diehard fans.The world sees a low maintenance child. Growing without much trouble. But also growing in resentment. They may go out of their way to please people. They get exploited. Or simply they get sick and tired of being unrecognized. They break.
They may rebel and engage in some form of antisocial behavior. Grades drop, drug abuse starts, bullying ensues. They may take advantage of their partners in relationships without remorse. The family is shocked. He was such a nice boy, what happened to him all of a sudden?
Or they experience severe depression. Grades drop, prescription drugs start, and they isolate themselves. Talk less, eat less, sleep less. The family is shocked. She was such a good girl, how did she catch the evil eye? All of a sudden?
Parenting is an active process. Just because you have the biological apparatus to conceive children, doesn’t mean you have the psychological apparatus to raise them. And we will still mess up. But hopefully less so than parenting that runs on automatic pilot.
Last modified: October 17, 2023
